“You’re probably going to need counselling…”

** Trigger Warning ** There is a small section about baby loss & stillbirth mentioned in this entry.

These are not the words that I was expecting to be ushered to me in that kind of tone of voice that you aren’t sure if people are being kind or pitying you.

When I went to The Fertility Show, a couple of clinics spoke to me in exactly that tone about counselling appointments. I was so honest and open with my Endometriosis and CIN3 and LLETZ treatment on my cervix that some clinics told me that I had “been through the mill” and I “needed to come to terms with everything I had been through”.

When I tell my friends I had to have a counselling appointment, they too ask me why.

Obviously, I now understand, and appreciate that it was a mandatory requirement to have at least one counselling session with your clinic, when using a donor – whether solo mum, or in a couple. Now if only the clinics would have explained that to me, instead of making it come across that I had obviously deep seated issues in my journey to becoming a solo mum and therapy would be needed.

Counselling is there to address the implications of using a donor to have a baby. Its not about just now and what you are going to tell your parents, your neighbour or the person being nosey in Tescos – but for the years to come – but also about how you will tell your child, what you will tell your child and the implications that come with it.

Because of the talks I had gone to from Solo Mums at The Fertility Show, I personally know what I want to do, which I will write about in a separate post – but I also talked about the things I do as a volunteer with a stillbirth/baby loss charity and how I understand that a positive pregnancy test won’t always mean I get to take a baby home.

My counselling appointment was fine, it was painless and I was “signed off” as being competent to understand the implications of using a donor to have a baby. I also have been told that counselling sessions are available at any point during my treatment if I need them – which is always nice to know that there is someone to talk through things if I need to.

So if they talk to you about your counselling session, don’t be alarmed, it really isn’t as bad as you think it is going to be.