Choosing my sperm donor was something that I thought was going to be relatively easy. I just wanted to go for things that looked similar to me. So not “too” tall, blue eyes and brown hair.
However, my donor matching appointment with my clinic allows me to have the full flexibility of choosing my donor. Some clinics match for you – or at least a little – but my clinic tells me where to look and what you need to do, and then off you go – to find your own! Luckily they’re there if you have any questions.
I also follow a Single Mum By Choice Coach on my Instagram who offered me a Zoom call to talk about what is important and finding out really what I truly wanted from my Donor. Especially when the UK banks only offer a basic profile but non-uk offers an enhanced profile (and some even have baby photos!) and I found it super beneficial!
When I went for my second scan, the nurse I saw was asking if had chosen my sperm, and I said I hadn’t because I had only got my CMV status the day before – so she told me to get on with it ASAP.
So Friday night, I say on the computer with a spreadsheet open and went into my emails from Semovo to get their CMV negative donors, I went onto London Sperm Bank to see how many they had that were negative (and at this point I was only at 4 donors) so I went to European Sperm Bank and was able to get another 8 donors. I had the option of looking at Cryos too – but decided against adding a 4th sperm bank into the mix – 12 donors was MORE than enough to work my way through.
- On my spreadsheet I had listed the following basics for comparison.
- Donor ID
- Sperm Bank
- Height
- Eye Colour
- Hair Colour
- Ethnicity
- Religion
- Blood Group
- Job
- Education
- Interests
- Skills
- Pen Picture
- Goodwill Letter
- Photos
So as you can see it was quite an extensive list – but this was something that I could fill in whether it was basic profiles – OR – extended profiles.
The First Cull
The first thing I did was get rid of any donors OVER 6ft. That was my cut off – I’m not from the tallest family in the world so I didn’t want a child of mine to be taller than me when they’re 10. This then narrowed it down to 9 Donors
The Second Cull
The Goodwill message. Not all donors leave one, and whilst I thought origionally that this wasn’t a thing that bothered me, actually it obviously did. So If they didn’t have one, I culled them too. So then we were down to 7.
I then slept on it. I printed off the remaining 7 profiles and put them all in their plastic wallets, I wrote on them their Donation Country (6 in UK and 1 in Denmark) and how much they had in stock if I knew that information.
The Third Cull
I went through the profiles reading them. I had two Donors from Semovo at this point, and one of their profiles stood out miles over the other, so one went. I then had 5 from ESB and on of them was a smoker and admitted to smoking cannabis too (which surprised me) but he was then removed.
By this point I was down to 5 donors – and I really had to start getting down to the nitty gritty. From the extended profiles from the ESB.
The Fourth Cull
This time I went through the extended profiles of 4 of the donors from the ESB and compared medical history. There were two of those profiles which had genetic cancrs in their immdiate families – including but not limited to breast cancer. As we have it in our family I didn’t want to put a child potentially pre-disposed to it on both sides. So then we were down to three.
The Fifth Cull
This was probably on of the easiest culls of them all – I sat and re-read the 3 profiles I had printed off. Two stood out a lot more than the other one – so I got rid of the one than didn’t connect…
And then there were two
This is when it really started to get harder. One profile from Semovo, basic profile but his pen picture made him sound very down to earth and relateable (or as my friends said “ohhh he sounds nice we’d date him”) and then one profile from European Sperm Bank, which ticked all the right boxes but came across a little bit arrogant – it was very much head vs heart.
I sent the profiles to friends, I even set up a fun facebook group and did polls comparing the two. I knew one had plenty in stock – but Semovo didn’t give me those details. They put the donor on hold for me for 3 days, and then I asked about pricing from Semovo (its all online from ESB) I told them that I needed two ampules of that donor – and then this is where it all went wrong.
There were a few back and forth emails with Semovo, and it was then I was made aware that the donor from Semovo only had 1 IVF Ampule in stock. My clinic require 2.
When I submitted my information to Semovo for their donor matching, they should have either 1) informed me of stock levels to start with 2) checked what my clinic requirements were. When i raised that my clinic needed 2, they were like “oh yes your correct” so they must have this information. I was really annoyed – but in the end took it that it was the sign I needed and ordered my sperm from ESB.
So the donor I have chosen is Caucasion with Green eyes and brown hair – so much for wanting blue eyes eh! He is 5ft 8.5in and his favourite colour is blue. I have pages of information about him, a voice clip and a goodwill message. Information that I can put together for my donor child.
The Sperm is ordered and paid for! Its so very exciting (and getting very real now!)
Solo Mum Overload 